


Sometimes it Lasts

by AHumanFemale, Power-Bottom-Barba (Cap_Against_The_Clap), Robin Hood (kjack89)



Series: For Me It Isn't Over [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Family Feels, Fluff, Kidfic, Kissing, Laughter, M/M, Sass, the good stuff y'all, the trilogy ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 21:46:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12850149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHumanFemale/pseuds/AHumanFemale, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cap_Against_The_Clap/pseuds/Power-Bottom-Barba, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjack89/pseuds/Robin%20Hood
Summary: He'd make fun of him some other time.Now he walked right up to him, tangled his fingers in the soft cotton of Sonny's shirt, and pulled him into a kiss.  A slow kiss, deep and indulgent as he once again reminded himself that the taste of Sonny on his tongue was real.  This wasn't one of the dreams that had plagued him for years, destined to have him waking in a despondent haze once he realized he was alone.  The man in front of him now was very real, solid in his arms even if his middle was a little softer than it was those years ago and the creases around his eyes were slowly becoming wrinkles.Rafael wouldn't have it any other way.[Or, the finale.]





	Sometimes it Lasts

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all, dear readers, for coming with us on this. 
> 
> AHF would like to apologize for the pain and thank you for the overwhelming support that followed, even if the first story didn't make anyone feel very good. She also recommends listening to Adele's "Make You Feel My Love" for the third and final section of this story, as it was what inspired her sections of this finale. She is awed to have been chosen by such talented people to collaborate, and wants to live in this work forever because it's the best thing she's ever been involved in.
> 
> Robin Hood would like to say the following: "I hate children, and can't stand kidfic. And here I am, putting my name on a fic revolving around both. It wouldn't be possible without the insane talents of my incredible coauthors, who have somehow created this world that I'm just happy to be a small part of. The best of this belongs solely to them, and I'm grateful to have been brought along for the ride."
> 
> Power-Bottom-Barba would like to say the following: "Thank you for including me. You guys are the best and I am dog shit. There's not even porn in it, look how they're classing me up!!!"
> 
> (Patently ridiculous, as he is amazing.)
> 
> In any case, thank you all for allowing us to hurt you, and thank you for allowing us to make it better. 
> 
> \- 
> 
> xoxo, the three of us.

**Sometimes it Lasts**

 

“Interesting,” Rafael mused, turning the crinkled paper on its side.  He assessed it for a moment longer before continuing, “I can definitely sense the Impressionist influences.”

Veronica giggled.

“The small brush strokes, the flair of whimsy leftover from the Romantic era.  The use of blue is pretty indicative of that fight you had with Leo this morning, even if it is softened with pink at the edges.”

“She doesn’t know those words,” Evie pointed out rationally from her perch at the breakfast bar, nose in her history book.  

“Of course she does, or else she wouldn’t have painted it that way.”

The sound of more giggling reached his ears and he had to fight off the smile it drew out of him, the warmth in his chest it planted with hardly an effort from the carefree kindergartener.  The kindergartener with her mother’s dark hair and her father’s curls, a riot of them sticking in every direction from the top of her small head.  Streaked with fingerpaint, tangled in knots that she’d scream about when Sonny tried to comb them out that night.  

“They don’t have art class in law school,” the nine-year-old informed him, invested enough in the argument now to look up from her chapter on ancient Egypt.  “You know about laws, not paintings.”

“It’s possible to know about more than one thing.”

“Not if you’re old.  Your memory is probably bad.”

Rafael scowled.

“You’re grounded.”

“You’re acting like that’s going to hurt me,” she shrugged.  “I’ll just read.”

“You’re grounded to the outside of the house.  Where you’ll have to interact with another living, breathing human being,” Rafael amended and watched her face contort in horror.  “That’s what I thought.  Go get your brother, it’s his turn to set the table.”

Evie groaned, long and loud and thoroughly put-upon as she replaced her bookmark and hopped off the barstool.  She headed for the back door, long blonde braid swinging behind her as she pretended to sulk.  Pretended, Rafael noted, because she was busy trying not to smile.  He and Evie understood each other, which was more surprising than he cared to admit.  

In a little more than a year, Rafael had realized that they functioned.

Evie was just coming into the age of sarcasm, meaning Rafael found her the most fun.  Leo was firmly his mother’s son, fiercely independent and temporarily indifferent to Rafael unless he wanted help matching his clothes - his touch of color blindness was a struggle that Rafael was happy to help with, as it turned out neither of his parents were fashion-inclined.  Veronica was young and playful and unable to sit still for more than a few seconds at a time but came to Rafael when she wanted to laugh at him.  Laugh at the big words, his big serious face as he pretended to treat her like the adult she wouldn’t be for another decade and a half.  A decade and a half that Rafael would be there for, he thought as he looked into her wide hazel eyes.

In a little more than a year, Rafael had realized that he fit.

Fit into their lives, into the blended family that had been everything he’d denied ever wanting.  Sonny’s children had been wary at first but had warmed once Rafael did.  Once he let his defenses down long enough to see that they were willing to have him.  They weren’t looking to cast him out, to blame him for their parents living in separate homes.  After that, it was easy.  It was easy to wake up next to Sonny with the sound of the TV already blaring from the next room, easy to let the man kiss him awake until the sound of something crashing forced one or both of them from bed.  It was more fun than he was willing to admit, watching Sonny gripe at them in his sweatpants and Fordham t-shirt, hair mussed, while Rafael made coffee and sipped it while it was still too hot if only to hide his smile.  

It was all more.  

More than he’d ever wanted with Sonny, more than he’d ever dreamed he would have after pushing the man away all those years ago.  

It was so much more happiness Rafael could ever have imagined himself having after a lifetime of isolating himself.  Caring less, only ever sharpening the spikes that covered his heart.  Instead, after years in his living crypt, he had come to life.  Had somehow won back the heart he’d broken, had been welcomed by his children - even if the youngest had called him “Pudge Rafael” rather than “judge” because it rhymed, much to his and her parents’ horror - and had forged a tentative friendship with Sonny’s ex-wife.  A friendship that surprised him with its civility, with its warmth.  Claire had welcomed him into their lives with hardly a blink and Rafael still struggled some days to accept how _right_ it all seemed.

“Where we put it?” Veronica asked in her tiny voice, bouncing on the balls of her feet.  Her eyes were still on her painting in Rafael’s hands, her father’s earnest eyes trained on Rafael in such a way he couldn’t help but soften at the sight of them.  

“Well, I don’t have the golden frame it deserves,” he started and frowned dramatically.  “How about the big board?”

The big board being a massive corkboard block on their living room wall, adorned with the children’s accomplishments.  Leo’s soccer medals, Evie’s winning essay on conservation efforts now that fossil fuels had faded from the landscape.  Veronica’s drawings and the one accidental picture she’d taken of a flower with Sonny’s phone that had ended up being a beautiful shot.  

“The board!” she cried in excitement as Rafael turned to look through their overflowing junk drawer for a thumbtack.  “The board the board the board!”

“Go look and pick where you want to put it,” Rafael told her while he rummaged.  “I’ll be out there in a second.”

Veronica raced out of the room, nearly running straight into her father before swerving and running around his long legs.  Sonny cried out in surprise before watching her run away, still yelling about the board.  He leaned up against the kitchen doorframe, crossed his arms over his chest.  It was his day off and he was dressed casually, in a pale gray sweater and dark jeans.  He was as gorgeous as he ever was years ago, when Rafael had first laid eyes on him.  Rafael had to pretend not to notice the man’s staring now, as he pushed the detritus of their shared existence out of the way in search of something to pin Veronica’s painting in place.  When he found them it was under mango hard candies from his mother, Evie’s hoard of multicolored pens, and Sonny’s obsessive stash of batteries that were “just in case”.  

"I have no idea what that picture is," Rafael said conspiratorially to Sonny, too low for any of the kids to hear, "but I think she might have a future in the arts."

"I doubt she knows what it is.  And I have no idea what she'll end up doing, but I looked at her room just now and I'm guessing it'll be something to do with demolition."  Sonny unfolded his arms, came to lean back against the kitchen counter while Rafael tried to shove all the extraneous items back in the drawer.  "You're great with her, Raf.  You're great with all of them."

"I just grounded Evie."

"She'd pay you to spend all day in her room.  It's probably not a great punishment."

"I grounded her to outside with the imminent threat of human interaction."

Sonny snorted.

"Well that seems a little cruel."

"She said I was old, forgetful, and ignorant, in so many words.  And that's only half true."  Rafael made a note to himself to order a drawer organizer.

"Ouch.  You know you only encourage her mouth." Sonny grinned.

"What can I say?  I have a taste for insubordination.  I think it's healthy. She has a couple bigger friends to protect her, right?"

"She is the bigger friend."

"Even better."

"Sometimes I forget you were a mouthy little shit from the Bronx," Sonny teased.  "Maybe you're a bad influence after all."

"You don't mean that," Rafael replied, distracted as he tried to force the drawer closed again.  "Besides, no one would dare come after our kids.  We have reputations at that school."

Sonny's head snapped up, his attention so rapidly fixed on him that Rafael glanced behind him to see if he'd been snuck up upon.

"What are you...?" he looked back, and Sonny was smiling, all deep dimples and bright eyes, his expression warm and pleased.

"Our kids," Sonny said, and Rafael cocked his head slightly, not understanding.

"What about them?" He glanced behind him again, peering out the kitchen window.  "Are Leo and Evie into something? Are they trying to get into that groundhog hole again?"

"No, no."

Puzzled, Rafael looked back to Sonny, who was still beaming.

"You called them 'our kids’," he said.  "Not 'your kids’, or 'the kids’. Our kids."

"Oh." Rafael hadn't realized.  It had just slipped out, unconscious and unplanned.  He couldn't begin to say when he began to think of them that way.  They weren't his, of course.  He wasn't a father, didn't know how to be one.  He was just their father's boyfriend.  And yet. He felt his cheeks flush. "I, um-"

"Come on!" Veronica had appeared again, bouncing on the tips of her five-year-old toes and pointing desperately to the painting still on the kitchen counter.  

Rafael could have picked her up and kissed her right on her paint-streaked, curly head for providing him with such a well-timed distraction.  He took the painting instead, waving it in the air.

"I'm sorry, yes, let's find this the place of honor it deserves." Rafael followed the bouncing little girl out into the living room.

Sonny was still beaming.

"Sure, hide behind the kid," Sonny accused jokingly as they passed him.  "Don't think I'm forgetting about this."

"I'm sure you're not," Rafael muttered under his breath sourly, despite the fact that Sonny's happiness made his lingering worries fade to nothing.

 _Their_ children, Rafael mused.

It was better than he expected.

In the end he and Veronica chose the most prominent placement available, just to the left of center so that the riot of color was the first thing you saw upon walking in the door.  Undoubtedly she'd forget to even look at it by tomorrow evening but for the moment she was still thrilled so Rafael risked throwing out his sixty-something year-old back to pick the girl up and let her pin it in place herself, met with excited yelps that hurt his ears but made him happy despite it.

"A masterpiece," he said with a smile, planting a quick kiss on the top of her curly head before putting her back down on the floor.  "So, what do you think, can you go wash your hands before dinner?"

"Okay."  Veronica took off at full speed.

Rafael wasn't entirely sure she was capable of walking.  Over half of the words he'd ever spoken to her were some version of "don't run".

Two years ago, if someone had told him he would be hoisting Sonny's children in his arms to let them hang artwork, he would have laughed in their face.  Correction, he would have sneered some scathing insult in their general direction before turning and walking away.  It was a rare individual who would even breathe Sonny's name into the space around him back then, but somehow here he was.  Immersed in the life he would have sworn he didn't want with a man he would have sworn wasn't his to keep.  The raw emotion that welled up in his chest at the thought made him soften his expression as he walked back into the kitchen to find Sonny exactly where he left him, looking smug.

He'd make fun of him some other time.

Now he walked right up to him, tangled his fingers in the soft cotton of Sonny's shirt, and pulled him into a kiss.  A slow kiss, deep and indulgent as he once again reminded himself that the taste of Sonny on his tongue was real.  This wasn't one of the dreams that had plagued him for years, destined to have him waking in a despondent haze once he realized he was alone.  The man in front of him now was very real, solid in his arms even if his middle was a little softer than it was those years ago and the creases around his eyes were slowly becoming wrinkles.

Rafael wouldn't have it any other way.

"Hey," Sonny breathed as they parted, arm wrapped firmly around Rafael's upper back so he couldn't run too far away once Sonny recognized the naked sentimentality in Rafael's eyes.  "What was that for?"

"Do I need a reason?"  It would have been simpler to say that he loved him, and that was why.  That he couldn't believe his good fortune in being here with him, in his arms.  It had been over a year since Sonny had shown up in his chambers on Christmas eve, and half the time Rafael still couldn't believe they were really here, together.

"I love you, too."  The lines around Sonny's eyes deepened as he smiled.

It was telling that Sonny heard the meaning behind Rafael's words, rather than the words themselves.  Rafael still had no idea what he'd done to deserve him.

Rafael simply smiled at him, happy to rest against his chest and simply look at him.

"Rafael," Sonny started, his voice pitched just a little lower, the look in his eyes soft.  "There's something I want to talk to you about.  To ask you, I mean.  I-"

The ring of Sonny's doorbell cut him off.

Sonny sighed. "Never mind," he said, ever the consummate host, kissing Rafael's forehead before heading to get the door.

"Sure, hide behind the doorbell," Rafael called after him, echoing his words back to him to hide the sudden panic that rose in his chest at whatever Sonny had wanted to ask him.

Maybe panic wasn't the right word.

He had nothing to panic over anymore, the days of worrying that Sonny would realize he had made the right choice all those years ago firmly behind him.

But calling the feeling anticipation didn't quite account for the edge of worry that curled in his chest and refused to leave.

He forced a smile as Sonny returned, Claire in tow.  "Claire, always good to see you," he said warmly, meaning the words more than she probably thought he did.

He shot a glance at Sonny, lingering behind her, and he just shook his head minutely.  Whatever he had wanted to discuss, to ask,  Sonny clearly intended to wait until after Claire left.

Because _that_ thought lingering over Rafael was certain to make dinner with Sonny's ex-wife go smoother.

"Good to see you too, Rafael," Claire was smiling, clearly unaware that she'd interrupted anything.  She turned and handed Sonny a bottle of wine. "Where are my terrible children?"

"In theory, they're washing up and setting the table, but who really knows."  Sonny shrugged.  "You know me, I like to leave them unsupervised and lawless."

"Let me take your jacket," Rafael offered, trying to put aside the lingering nerves.  Sonny must have known, because as Rafael passed him with Claire's jacket, he brushed his hand across his back in a touch clearly meant to comfort.  The thought of being comforted only made his stomach turn.

Still, he steeled his nerves as he took Claire's jacket to the front closet to hang up.  Whatever was going on, whatever Sonny wanted to ask him, he'd face it head on.

Rafael's days of running were long past him, too.

He hung the jacket decisively on a hanger when strong hands bracketed his hips and lips found the juncture of his jaw and neck, pressing a kiss just where he liked it, making his toes curl at the sensation.  "It's nothing to worry about," Sonny breathed in his ear, and Rafael turned to face him, expression carefully neutral.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," he started, but Sonny just rolled his eyes and kissed him.

"I saw the look on your face," Sonny told him.  "And I knew you were gonna be freaking out all through dinner, so — it's nothing to worry about, ok?"

"If it's nothing to worry about, why can't you just ask it now?" Rafael asked, even as he leaned forward to capture Sonny's lips once more.

As if in answer to the question, a veritable parade of clomping steps approached and Leo stopped in front of the closet door, bellowing over his shoulder.  "Found 'em! They're in the closet."

"Well, that's certainly not true," Claire said mildly as she appeared behind him, clearly trying to contain her laughter.  "Are you two going to, uh, come out of the closet for dinner?"

Rafael snorted and Sonny gave him a look that clearly said _And you wonder why I didn't ask the question now?_ as they both followed Claire and Leo to the kitchen.

For a man who hated being comforted, he felt oddly comfortable as he stumbled back into their routine without another thought to the conversation they hadn't really started before Claire arrived.   He supervised while the table was set (because of course it hadn't been) and sent Veronica back to change into a new shirt when she returned from washing her hands with a shirt soaked through.  Evie was the only one who fulfilled her responsibilities to the letter - which was, tonight, nothing.  She sat at her assigned seat with her history book and was happy to ignore everyone else unless it was to roll her eyes at what she considered dim questions about what she was reading.

Evie ate mostly everything, gave her leftovers to Leo.

Leo ate everything on his plate and asked for seconds.

Veronica ate almost nothing but the dinner roll, insisted she was full, and gave the rest to her brother.

"How does she subsist entirely on air?" Rafael marveled once the kids had been dismissed from the table and the adults were finishing their wine.  "She moves more than any human being I've ever seen and I think I've watched her consume maybe two hundred calories total since I laid eyes on her."

"She's barely out of preschool, still at the age where she can live on nothing more than chaos and her father's graying hair," Claire said from the corner of her mouth as she tipped her wineglass up.  She took a long drink before she winked at Sonny and added, "Which, at this point, might keep her alive forever."

"Hey," Sonny shot back while Rafael pretended not to laugh, "It's genetic."

"His go-to argument for anything he doesn't want to take responsibility for," Rafael interjected smoothly.  "But I don't think Dom and Tessa would appreciate being blamed for things like bad breath in the morning, constantly misplacing his keys, and his penchant for the world's worst puns."

Claire laughed brightly and reached over to clink her wine glass against Rafael's.  "Glad to know he's still using the same excuses," she said.  "Even gladder now that I no longer have to pretend to believe him."

Sonny gave them both withering looks.  "If you're done mocking me in my own house," he huffed, "I'm gonna give the kids their baths and get them ready for bed. Will you two be so kind as to do the dishes?"

"I think we can manage that," Rafael said with a lazy grin.

Sonny glared at him.  "Preferably without the continued mockery."

"Of that, we can make no promises," Claire said, laughing.

Rafael watched as Sonny disappeared upstairs with the children and swallowed down the last of his wine.

"He's really happy, you know." Claire said, a small smile still on her face.

"Hm?" Rafael looked back to the younger woman.

"Sonny.  He's really happy.  It's nice to see. He deserves it."

Rafael was surprised by the statement and her sudden sincerity.   As awkward a conversation as this had the potential to be, warmth curled in his chest at her words.  

"He does."  He hesitated before adding, "As do you."

She laughed and started gathering dishes together.  "Oh, I am _more_ than happy," she assured him, standing.

Something about her tone made Rafael suspicious.  "And why's that?" he asked warily.

"Because I'm free from all the assorted Carisi family events," she said breezily before disappearing into the kitchen.

"What?" Rafael spluttered.

"Oh, that's right," Claire drawled, sounding just as Staten Island as Sonny.  "Sunday dinners, birthday parties, graduations, engagements, holidays, promotions at work... you know how they are.  For seven years I was in the middle of those swarming parties twice a month, if not more.  And now that's all passed on to you.  You know what I did last Sunday?  I did nothing.  I read an entire novel and had three glasses of red wine and didn't get one question from Tessa about _wasn't it about time to get started on another baby_.  Or advice from Gina about my hair."

Rafael couldn't help but laugh as he stood, picking up the remaining dinner dishes and following her into the kitchen.

"What brings this on?" he asked.

"I just sent my regrets along for Teresa's birthday party next month, and I don't have any guilt associated with it.  I can't imagine you have the same luck."

Rafael made a face at the thought, though he had been pleased to see his name on the invitation, even if he had little desire to go.  As the eldest, Teresa had taken the longest to forgive him for breaking Sonny's heart, but he was taking the invite as a sign of thawing.  Either that, or she wasn't done torturing him yet.  "At least they're guaranteed to have an open bar," he said with a sigh.

"And very open, loud mouths," Claire said with a smirk, setting the dishes in the sink.  "This husband is from Boston."

"Oh good Lord."  Rafael shuddered, having sudden, vivid flashbacks to his time at Harvard.  "Well, I'll make do," he said bracingly before glancing sideways at her.  "But that means you get Gina's engagement party."

Claire had the audacity to laugh at him.  "Oh no," she said.  "Nope, I'm only obligated to Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving.  All other Carisi events come with Sonny."

Rafael scowled at her.  "I don't remember seeing _that_ in the custody agreement," he grumbled.

She just laughed again.  "I'll wash, you dry?" she offered.

Though Rafael shrugged his acquiescence, he nonetheless glared at her, even as he picked up a dishtowel.  "Aren't you still technically a Carisi?"

"In name only," she said cheerfully, winking at him as she added, "Not everyone enjoys legal paperwork.  Besides, I love my driver's license picture.”

They worked in silence for a moment before Claire was comfortable enough to continue.  Or, until she sensed Rafael was comfortable enough to talk about something more personal that driver’s licences and Carisi family events.

"You're making a real impression on Evie," she said carefully as she rinsed a plate.  "She was full of stories about you last week, she says you're very funny."

"Does she," Rafael said mildly, trying not to sound too excited by that.

Claire looked over at him and laughed lightly.  "She's getting to the age where she's certainly not going to tell _you_ that you're funny," she said, handing the plate to Rafael to dry.  "Just wait til she's a teenager."

Rafael made a face.  "Don't remind me," he sighed.  "Are you sure you don't want to just keep her from ages thirteen to eighteen?"

"Oh, you think it doesn't start until thirteen?" Claire asked with a dry laugh.  "That's cute."

"Dear God."  Rafael took the next plate from Claire.  "I haven't given up hope. I may be able to skate by as the cool, sarcastic outsider who she can confide in about how you two just don't understand her."

"I wouldn't hold your breath," she laughed, before eyeing him. "Not that it wouldn't be good to have a man on the inside.  Are you planning to still be here?"

She said is so smoothly she almost caught Rafael off guard.

"Well, what's that saying — man plans, God laughs?" Rafael said casually, but Claire didn't laugh.

"It's not just him you'd be leaving this time," she said instead, and Rafael felt his heart plummet.

"I like to think I'm a man that learns from his mistakes," he managed, his mouth dry.  "As long as Sonny will have me, I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm glad," she said, and as unexpectedly as it has begun her interrogation seemed to be over, and she looked back down at the sink full of suds. "They get attached, you know? They deserve stability." There was a quiet to her voice that, to Rafael, sounded almost like guilt.

"They have stability," he said, kindly.  "I couldn't imagine better parents.  You're both so devoted to them, it's admirable."

Claire laughed lightly. "They make it easy," she said. "So does Sonny. I couldn't do this without him."

Rafael felt something painful curl in his chest and he looked at her squarely.  "I know you know why Sonny and I ended things originally, and if you think I'm going to try to keep him from his kids or—"

Her eyes widened and she shook her head emphatically.  "Oh, no," she said, with a light, almost nervous laugh.  "God no.  First and foremost, he'd never let you."

Rafael smiled.  She was right, Sonny would never let Rafael come between him and his children, and Rafael would never try.

"He wouldn't.  He lives for them.  It's remarkable.  He's the most devoted father I've ever seen.  I know my-..." He trailed off and shook his head, the unexpected memory of a father thirty years dead making his hand tense into a fist around the towel in his hand.  "I mean to say, I always knew Sonny would be a remarkable father. And honestly... they're wonderful.  I never knew I could enjoy children this much."

Claire laughed.  "They've got you snowed.  They're a marauding horde of little assholes."

Rafael let out a startled laugh and ducked his head.  "Well, you said it, not me."

"Speaking of the assholes," Sonny said from the kitchen doorway, smiling.  "They want you two to come upstairs for story time."

"Both of us?" Rafael asked, trying not to sound as surprised as he felt.  He had expected Claire to be invited upstairs, since she was part of their normal nightly routine, but bedtime was Daddy time, and Rafael's time to pour them both wine, pick out a movie and wait for Sonny to get back downstairs.

Sonny's smile widened and he shrugged.  "I tried to tell 'em you were no good at story time, but they insisted," he said.

Rafael mock-scowled at him.  "Just for that, I'm going to be the best storyteller they’ve ever met."

"Not even possible," Sonny said easily, reaching out to draw Rafael close and press a quick kiss to his temple.  "But hey, you're welcome to try."

From behind them, Claire laughed, and both Sonny and Rafael turned to look at her.  "What?" Sonny asked, still grinning.

"Nothing," she said, waving a dismissive hand.  "You two are just really made for each other, aren't you."

"You're only saying that because you want me to tell Tessa you have to miss Fourth of July this year," Rafael said but couldn't ignore the pleasure her words gave him.  "Well, let's get this over with.  I hate to draw out your humiliation any longer than necessary."

"Oh yeah?" Sonny scoffed behind him as he headed for the stairs.  "Since when?"

Rafael ignored him and trudged up the stairs, Claire following.  It was his natural inclination to fall back and let her handle the soft, sweet parental things but it was that instinct that kept him marching forward. Determined. Set on nothing other than shutting Sonny up about story time for good.

As the approached the girl's bedroom, however, he hesitated.  "Is there something I'm reading, or do we make up the story?"

He found himself apprehensive, having stood bold in front of judges and juries, press conferences and angry mobs, an audience of three children and their parents had him suddenly nervous.

"You're basically at the mercy of their whims," Claire told him honestly.  "Leo is going to ignore you no matter what because, and I quote, 'Stories are for babies, Mom'.  Evie is a nosy shit so she's going to ask about a court case of yours, preferably one with blood and guts because it hasn't occurred to her yet that those kinds of stories aren't ones that merit retelling."

Rafael nodded, taking all of this in.  "And Veronica?"

"Hell if I know.  She might ask you for Dr. Seuss, she might ask you for an entire manifesto on what space aliens eat for breakfast."

He scowled at the brief frisson of nerves that sizzled up his spine.  "Thanks for nothing," he groused and squared his shoulders.  Claire noticed, because of course she did, and grinned.

"Break a leg," she told him with a wink and let him walk first into the room, pausing to lean against the door frame.

Evie demanded a story from when he worked with her dad, undoubtedly knowing full well that those weren’t stories anyone was willing to tell a nine-year-old.  Rafael settled on a story about Sonny having to chase a Pomeranian around a condo for twenty minutes because they thought it might have bitten a suspect and could have DNA evidence on its teeth.  It didn’t, of course.  But it did bite Sonny for good measure after the hassle of catching it and that was enough to entertain Sonny’s oldest.

Leo gave him no preference but laughed at Evie’s story anyway.

Veronica, of course, requested his worst nightmare, not that he knew it at the time - if only he’d known going in that “The Book with No Pictures” would require him to act like an absolute idiot, he might have tried to beg her.  He would have been willing to plead, on bended knee, for Dr. Seuss or space alien breakfast.  He would have offered the goriest story he could make up.  Probably, Evie’s unrestrained glee and Leo’s obvious surprise should have cued him in but he remained clueless until it was too late.

Instead, he started out in a calm and even voice and put unnecessary emphasis on the words because it made Veronica smile.  She had her father’s smile and it was a weakness of his, maybe especially between cheeks still filled out with baby fat.  Before long, though, he realized that she was smiling so hard because Rafael was doomed to make a fool of himself.  Reading ridiculous sentences, making ridiculous sounds.  Saying words he would rather have paid real money to avoid.  And if when he finished, flushed down to his toes and pointedly ignoring Claire’s shaking form in the doorway next to Sonny’s, who had collapsed to the floor with laughter five minutes earlier, Rafael was both humiliated and endlessly proud of himself because Veronica hopped up from the bed, beaming, and gave him a quick peck on the nose.  

The kiss was fleeting, probably bestowed out of a sick sense of pity, but Rafael took it anyway and stood.  Wished them all a goodnight as he reached for the light and turned it out.  Evie and Leo were still suppressing giggles but he held his head high anyway.

Rafael had earned a goodnight kiss from a human streak of lightning, and no one could take that from him.

Of course, not even that could stop him, once he was out of earshot of the children, from fixing Sonny and Claire with his most terrifying glare and telling them frostily, "You both are going straight to Hell."

For some reason, the statement just seemed to make them laugh more.

He fixed his gaze on Sonny, trying to keep the corners of his own mouth from curling up.  "Did you tell her to pick that?"

"No," Sonny gasped, or more accurately, tried to gasp.  He was laughing so hard that his body was shaking and tears were leaking from the corner of his eyes.  He shook his head, covering his mouth with his hand, and snorted.

"It was the most beautiful dramatic reading of a book I have ever experienced," Claire drawled, her voice breaking with laughter only once.  "I- I mean it, Your Honor, I..." She, too, dissolved into laughter again.

Rafael held his head up high as he marched past them and down the stairs, heading straight for the liquor cabinet and pouring himself a generous three fingers of scotch.  When Sonny and Claire finally made their way downstairs, both still struggling to keep straight faces, he kept his glare up over the rim of his glass.  "Well, Claire, it's been lovely," he said pointedly, which was all it took to send Sonny into another fit of laughter.

He rolled his eyes and tossed his scotch back.  "Hope the couch is comfortable," he said sourly.

"Aw, c'mon," Claire said, wiping tears of laughter from her cheeks.  "We all fell for it at one point or another. It's one of those things you gotta, you know, live through yourself."

Sonny nodded and tried to add something but couldn't seem to stop wheezing.  Rafael glared at him before turning his gaze on Claire.  "Anyway," he said, "thanks for coming over and sharing in my humiliation.  Not to force you out the door or anything, but I'm looking forward to sleeping alone tonight and would prefer to get started on that sooner rather than later."

"I'm sorry," Sonny managed, but judging by the fact that he was actually hiccuping from laughter, Rafael didn't quite believe him.

"Uh-huh," he said skeptically.  "Like I said, hope your back is still young enough to handle the couch tonight.  If not...well, that's not really my problem."

"Babe," Sonny protested, but Rafael ignored him, stepping forward to press a quick kiss to Claire's cheek.

"Get home safe," he said, and in a lower voice, "and for this, I'm _making_ you come to Gina's engagement party."

Claire just laughed and gave him a hug.  "Be nice to Sonny," she said in his ear, so that only he could hear her.  "He's gonna treasure that moment for the rest of his life."

As much as Rafael wanted to make a waspish comment about Sonny treasuring his humiliation, he could tell by the way Sonny's eyes were shining with more than just unshed tears of mirth that she was right.

Claire said a quick goodbye to Sonny before finally heading out, and once the front door was closed and deadbolted, Sonny turned back to Rafael, his expression finally even.  "So I guess I'll go get my pillow from the bedroom," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching.

Rafael sighed and rolled his eyes.  "I _should_ make you sleep on the couch," he grumbled.

"Yeah, in my own house," Sonny said, nodding, pressing his lips together to keep from laughing again.

"Just get in bed before I change my mind," Rafael sighed.

Sonny grinned in triumph and grabbed Rafael, pulling him to to his chest and kissing him soundly before telling him, with full sincerity, "Thank you.  And I'm sorry for the damage to your dignity."

"My dignity's suffered worse," Rafael said, smiling up at him.  "And at the rate we're going, it'll suffer more."

Sonny kissed him once more.  "I love you," he said, and the three words had never felt as loaded as they did in that moment, that simple declaration of love covering so much of that evening, of the three kids that Rafael had somehow found room for that he didn't even know existed in his heart, of even the ex-wife that Rafael had never imagined fitting in this life with them the way that she did.  The way they all did.

"I love you, too," he returned easily, meaning the words and all they entailed.  He kissed Sonny again before asking, "What were you going to ask me earlier this evening?"

Sonny half-smiled.  "Nothing important," he promised.  "And certainly nothing that can't wait til morning."  He bent to kiss Rafael again, turning the kiss open-mouthed and dirty before resting his forehead against Rafael's.  "Not when I can think of some better things we can do tonight."

Rafael's eyes darkened.  "Until tomorrow then," he said, following Sonny into the bedroom.

 

**…**

 

Rafael woke early the next morning, when the dawn was just a suggestion of color on the horizon and night still kept its hold on their home.  The house beyond their closed bedroom door was still and quiet, not even the energetic youngest awake to disturb them this early.  Rafael shifted in bed, rested but curious about why he was up before the sun on a weekend.  It occurred to him as soon as his eyes blinked open and he turned his head to find Sonny on his side, facing him.  Head propped up by one elbow, a sleepy smile stretched across his full lips.  His hair twisted and curled in every direction and Rafael’s resulting grousing was a poor distraction from the way his heart skipped a beat.

“It’s too early for you,” he replied and closed his eyes again.  “Wake me up in two hours, when you’ve made breakfast and coffee and the sun is up.”

Even with his eyes closed, Rafael knew that Sonny's smile had widened at the words, and he shifted instinctually to meet Sonny when he leaned over to kiss him, sighing against his lips.  "Or we could have a repeat performance of last night," he suggested, opening his eyes to smirk at Sonny.

But Sonny didn't seem swayed by the suggestion.  Instead, he propped himself up on one elbow, skimmed his hand lightly down Rafael's side and said in a low voice, "Marry me."

Rafael blinked.  "I'm sorry, what?"

He hadn't meant to blurt the words like that, but he was pretty sure his brain had short circuited from both the early hour and the unexpected proposal, if it really was a proposal.  Sonny didn't seem deterred.  "That's what I wanted to ask you last night," he said, something earnest in his expression and echoed in his tone.  "I want you to marry me. I want us to spend every night together like last night, and every morning together like this, for the rest of our lives."

"What's stopping us?" Rafael asked, as the reality of what Sonny was asking slowly began to sink in.  Sonny rolled his eyes but Rafael didn't let him interrupt.  "I mean it."

"Nothing's stopping us," Sonny said, his smile slipping slightly.  "But it's not the same.”

"Have you forgotten that you're Catholic?" Rafael asked, with no small amount of amusement, because there was no way that Sonny was serious, no way that this was actually something that, after all this time, he'd want.

But Sonny just raised an eyebrow at him.  "Have you forgotten that I'm divorced?" he asked, equally amused.  "I figured, what the hell, in for a penny, in for a pound, ya know?"

"Oh good.  You're viewing our potential marriage as a 'why not' situation."

"Well," Sonny said, his smile widening.  "Why not?" Rafael rolled his eyes but Sonny reached out for him, holding him closer to his chest, something determined in his blue eyes.  "I mean it, Raf. Give me a good reason not to."

"We're old. Weddings are expensive and unnecessary.  I'm going to love you with or without a ring on my finger."  Sonny rolled his eyes and made to interrupt, but Rafael wasn't done.  "Financially, you have your kids to worry about, and you know that if, Heaven forbid, the worst happened, I would make sure they're taken care of, but—"

Sonny did silence him then, in the most effective way possible, by closing the space between them and kissing him.

Only when he was sure he had kissed the protests away from Rafael's lips did Sonny smile against them, staying close, his forehead resting against Rafael's.  "It doesn't have to be an expensive wedding.  We can just go to the courthouse, we could do it tomorrow.  It isn't a wedding I want.  I just want to be married to _you_."

"You're serious about this," Rafael said, marveling at the way Sonny could still so completely surprise him.

"I've been serious about this since the year I met you.  Let me have this, Rafael," Sonny whispered against his temple, where the hair was solid gray.  "Let me marry you.”

"Alright.  Why not," Rafael breathed as though the realization had stolen the air from his lungs, and the soft barb never landed.  "Yes.  I'll marry you."

Rafael let himself be pressed into the mattress, let himself be weighed down with the happy shock of Sonny’s love as he kissed it into Rafael’s mouth; across his jaw, down the column of his throat.  He breathed in disbelief and breathed out a riotous joy that rendered him mute as Sonny’s hands once again found his hips.

For the rest of the morning, the only word his lips could form was _yes_.  

 

**…**

 

Spring passed, with all its greenery and budding blooms to sweeten the air.

Hot and heavy and humid, summer dragged.

Fall glimmered, crimson and gold, before languishing away.

It seemed that the year had gone in a blink but suddenly December rolled around again, packed snow covering every available surface while the wind whipped like knives and the sun refused to show its face.  Any other day Rafael would have been cursing the weather but now he avoided ice patches with the hint of a smile on his face, steps energetic as he navigated Manhattan sidewalks and the crushing crowds scrambling for last-minute Christmas gifts.  There wasn’t a thing on earth that could touch him today.

Today, Rafael was getting married.

Christmas Eve, two years and two weeks since his misery at love lost had drug him to find Sonny thriving and happy.

Two years to the day since Sonny appeared in his chambers, lanky and smiling and everything Rafael had ever dreamed as he told Rafael he hadn’t given up hope - that he missed him, hadn’t ever gotten over the two of them like Rafael had always assumed he would.  

Two years since Rafael had come alive.

It was only fitting, then, that the ceremony itself take place where their journey together had begun once more: a simple, quiet ceremony in Rafael's chambers, after the courthouse had closed for the holiday.  He had convinced Elena Barth to officiate, though frankly, it hadn't taken much convincing.

Their immediate family would be there, and Liv, Rollins and Carmen, who were family in their own right.  Fin had sent his regrets (and a handwritten note — _About damn time_ ), and Rita, living up her retirement on a sunny beach somewhere, had sent her regrets as well and a wedding check so sizeable that Sonny had about had a heart attack upon opening it (she hadn't sent a note, but Rafael could read between the lines of every pen stroke on the check).

Simple, understated, no flowers, no special arrangements, just the two of them, surrounded by the ones they loved most besides each other, and promising to love each other for the rest of their lives.

It was a promise that didn't necessarily need to be spoken aloud, but that didn't mean Rafael wasn't looking forward to doing so with an excitement he hadn't expected burning low and bright in his gut.

Carmen had promised to rearrange his office to accommodate the small gathering, sending Rafael to an empty conference room down the hall to get dressed.  His garment bag now hung on the top of a door, a perfectly tailored suit with clean lines and ebony black fabric.  His tie was a wine-dark burgundy, the color Sonny loved most on him.  The most blatant nod he could manage in a wedding he'd insisted remain understated.  He was several decades too old to be a blushing bride and still his hands managed to shake as he loosened the tie he'd worn around the city that day, as he toed off the worn dress shoes scuffed with dirt from melting snow.  Slowly the uniform of the honorable Judge Barba fell away, lost to the transition as Rafael emerged.

The Rafael who had put aside his own pain in favor of hope.

The Rafael who had three adopted children.

A mouthy, incredibly kind friend and confidante in those children's mother.

The Rafael who owned a two story house in Queens, littered with soccer balls and textbooks and smelled like home cooked meals and scented candles.

The Rafael Barba who appeared in that empty conference room would be the one accomplishing what the old Rafael never could - marrying the only man to ever possess the whole of his bruised, bitter heart.

A knock sounded on the door, startling Rafael from his thoughts, and he turned as Olivia opened the door, smiling at him.  "Nervous?" she asked.

"Not on your life," Rafael told her, though his hand still shook a little as he smoothed the burgundy tie.  Not from nerves — there were no cold feet on his end.  Just from excitement, and the occasional pang that it had taken this long for him and Sonny to get here.

Worth it, in the end.

Worth it, to spend the rest of his life with the man of his dreams.

Olivia's smile softened.  "You should see Carisi," she teased.

"Dear God, don't tell me he went with the Santa tie," Rafael sighed, though he couldn't quite hide his smile.

Only a week ago, when Rafael had snapped at Sonny because one of them had forgotten to run to the grocery store after work for more coffee and Rafael had stumbled into the kitchen the following morning to find no coffee, Sonny had threatened to let Veronica pick out his tie for the wedding as a punishment.  And Veronica's current favorite of Sonny's ties was a particularly garish Christmas number with a massive Santa Claus.

As much as Rafael loved Sonny and was committed to spending the rest of his life with him, he had to draw the line somewhere, and he drew the line at a Santa tie.

Olivia just laughed.  "You'll see soon enough," she said instead.  "They're ready when you are."

This was it, and Rafael let out a deep breath before he squared his shoulders.  "Then let's go."

"Rafael!  Rafael!"

The excited cries broke up the distracted litany of his thoughts and he froze, recognizing the voice instantly.  Within a second Olivia stepped to the side and Veronica rushed past her, almost barreling into his legs and sending them both crashing to the floor.

"Veronica Marie!" Claire hissed from the hallway, "If you don't stop running and start listening I swear to-"

"It's fine, Claire," Rafael said and meant it.  Seeing her got him out of his nerves and into the joy of seeing her rounded face beaming up at him.  He bent slightly to look at the first grader wrapping her arms around his knees so hard he'd feel it for weeks. "Is there a reason you're trying to break my legs before the wedding?"

"Your legs aren't broken, you baby."

"Oh, good. Insult to injury."

"I have to tell you what I learned!"

"You haven't been in school for two weeks," Rafael pointed out kindly.

"I know.  But I learned it on my own."

"Can this wait until we're done with the wedding?" he asked and she shook her head so the dark curls wiggled with her.  "It's that important?"

" _So_ important."

"Alright, let's have it.  Did you invent a time machine?"

"No."

"Did you cure the common cold?"

"Mommy has medicine for my colds."

"Did you prove string theory?"

"I have shoe strings on my sneakers but they're tangled.”

"What then?" Rafael asked it was harder than he thought to school his expression into one of surly impatience when she looked so happy in her fancy red dress and matching bows, shiny black Mary Janes on her tiny feet.  Clearly Sonny had not dressed their children today - he made a mental note to thank Claire later.

"I learned what Rafi means."

"Rafi?" he repeated and she nodded.

He was about to tell her that it was a nickname, something her father called him when he was being sweet or wanted something, but Veronica was so serious when she lowered her voice and shared her discovery with him in a whisper, trying to guard her hard-won secret.

"Sometimes you speak Spanish and it's like your own code words, like a secret name," Veronica said and Rafael nodded.  "And today I think I learned that Rafi means 'daddy'.  Am I right?"

Claire gave a sharp inhalation from the direction of the door, followed by a whispered, " _Shit._ I'm not supposed to cry this early."

Rafael stood, stunned, but sunk to kneel before he realized what he was doing.  His knees popped and his back pulled but Veronica's eyes were so big and bright and happy that he couldn't help leaning his forehead to meet hers.

"It does for you, _mijita_ ," he said, swallowing against the lump in his throat.  "If you want it to."

Veronica nodded.  "Yeah.  I like it."

"Then that's what it means," he said and wondered again at how all this could possibly have come together.  He would never be worthy of the love he’d found in their little family but found himself determined to try, to earn the staid affection in his youngest’s gap-toothed smile.  Getting a grip on his emotions before they could completely spill over, Rafael grinned.  "Come on, smart girl.  Want to help me marry your daddy?"

Veronica grinned back.

"Race you."

She took off like a shot and Rafael laughed, slowly getting back up to his feet.

"Who would've thought," Olivia said with a soft smile.  "You make a good dad."

"A good Rafi," Rafael corrected, still grinning, and he watched Veronica until she was almost at his office door before he said, "Well, that seems like enough of a head start, don't you think? Shall we?"

"You're the one they're waiting on," Olivia said, with a fond eye roll, and together they walked to his office.

His office which, in the short time it had taken Rafael to change, had been transformed.  Despite Rafael's insistence that this be as simple as possible, _someone_ — Carmen, undoubtedly — had decorated every available surface with stunning poinsettias and candles which softened the entire room.  His eyes found Carmen's and his words of joking accusation died in his throat, because Carmen's eyes were already wet with tears, and she pulled him into a hug.  "I hope you don't mind," she whispered to him.  "I couldn't resist."

"Mind?" Rafael said with a laugh, but whatever else he had planned to say died in his throat as he saw Sonny standing at the far end of Rafael's office, waiting for him with that patented Sonny Carisi half-smile.

It was like Rafael had forgotten how to breathe.

He was beautiful.  Had always been, would always be, and forever and always, Rafael had eyes only for the man he loved, waiting patiently for him, resplendent in a simple tux with black bowtie, his eyes shining all the more blue from the muted colors he had chosen.  Golden light flickered off the silver in his hair and the shadow of his jaw, wrapping him in illumination that seemed made especially for him.  

Rafael didn't think it could be possible for him to love Sonny more than he already did; clearly, he had thought wrong.

There was no aisle to walk down, no music to play but Rafael still felt it in every bone in his body as he crossed the ten steps it took him to reach Sonny.  They both knew it had taken him far more than ten simple steps to get him here, but all of that fell away as Rafael reached Sonny, whose smile widened as he looked down at him.

"Hey there," Sonny said, sounding as breathless as Rafael felt.

"Eloquent as always," Rafael returned, with just a hint of snark and a smirk that curved too softly and slowly across his face to be genuine.

This was them, this was their dynamic.  Always had been, and in a few short moments, would officially always be, for the rest of their lives.

“Ready?” Judge Barth asked, smiling, and Rafael couldn’t even bring himself to take his eyes off the man who would soon be his husband.

“Yes,” Rafael replied softly and Sonny only smiled brighter.

Judge Barth cleared her throat and turned her gaze on the guests behind him.  

Rafael’s mother, dressed in a sapphire blue dress that brought out the warm copper in her eyes as she tried not to cry.

Sonny’s parents, holding hands and leaning closer together.

Claire and the kids, dressed to match the vibrant red of the poinsettias while they sat and huddled together.  Even Leo was paying rapt attention rather than toying with the sleeves of his suit jacket.  

Carmen and Olivia sat together, looking on with calm smiles.

Amanda Rollins with her husband and two children, enthusiastically offering a thumbs-up that made her youngest giggle.

They couldn’t have asked for a better group of witnesses.

“Beloved friends and family,” Judge Barth started, “We’re here tonight to celebrate.  Not only the wedding of two men who love each other and have chosen to signify that love with the institution of marriage, but also the effort it took them to get here.  Having known both of you as long as I have, I will admit to my own frustration at first watching you dance around one another.  Then my joy at the love you obviously found in one another.”

At that, Sonny reached out and grabbed Rafael’s hand.  Held it in his own, as though the reminder of what came next was enough to require comfort.

“No matter the heartbreak of years ago, no matter the joy and experiences you’ve found since, you’ve found your way back.  Now you come together as the men you were always meant to be, with entire lives to share with one another.

“You fell in love by chance, but you're here today because you're making a choice. You are choosing each other. You've chosen to be with someone who enhances you, who makes you think, makes you smile, who makes every day brighter.”

Rafael had never heard a statement more true to who Sonny was to him - the challenge, the joy, the warmth he’d found in Sonny’s arms could never be rivaled.  Nothing could come close to it, and Rafael wouldn’t be the man he was without the man who stood in front of him.  He tightened his grip on Sonny’s hand, tried again to keep his heart from crawling into his throat.

“Sonny and Rafael have chosen to write their own vows, which they will now share as an expression of their love and the choice they’re making today.  Sonny?”

Rafael watched as he nodded and pulled a small note card from his breast pocket, clearing his throat and reaching for Rafael’s hand again once more to hold as their eyes met.

"There is-," Sonny's voice was hoarse when he began, thick with emotion, and he had to clear it again.

"'There is a season for everything, a time for every occupation under heaven. A time for tears, a time for laughter; a time for mourning, a time for dancing. A time for throwing stones away, a time for gathering them; a time for embracing, a time to refrain from embracing. A time for searching, a time for losing. A time for keeping.'" Sonny's voice broke on the word keeping, and when he blinked, there was a sheen of tears across his blue, blue eyes.

Words that Rafael had heard a million times, spoken in Mass or sung on the radio, had new meaning when spoken by the man who would be his husband.  It hadn't been their time before; it was now. Sonny blinked again, and teardrops clung to his lashes, threatening to fall.

Softly squeezing Sonny's hand, Rafael murmured an interruption.  "Did you crib all your vows from the Byrds?"

A beat, and then Sonny barked in laughter, scrubbing the back of his hand across his eyes.  "During my vows? You really can't turn it off, huh?"

Rafael shrugged and smirked.  It had the desired effect.  Sonny was smiling now, holding his hand just a little bit tighter.  Rafael didn't think there was any sight on God's earth more beautiful than Sonny Carisi, smiling.

"Rafael," he started again, and though his eyes still shone, his lips kept their gentle smile.  "I know that God made a plan for us, made me for you, and you for me.  It wasn't our time before, but I know that here with you, for now and the rest of time, is where I'm meant to be."

"I promise to always be your lover, your companion, and your friend.  I promise to be your ally in conflict, your consolation in disappointment; your greatest fan and toughest adversary. I promise to be your partner in all things, to cherish you and love you.  For better, worse, richer, poorer, in sickness and health.  For the rest of my life.  I love you, Rafael Barba.  And always will."

He exhaled, his voice heavy with love and the threat of breaking.  His hand trembled as he slid the index card back into his breast pocket and looked down, his cheeks flushed.

Judge Barth smiled and turned to him, pleasure evident if only in the sparkle in her eyes.

“Rafael?

The words weren’t written on any card, he didn’t need reminders.  He’d composed them weeks ago, writing his thoughts in one sitting and then committing them to memory.  It was remarkably simple, he found out.  Not because he was a gifted writer, but because telling Sonny how much he loved him was the easiest thing he’d ever done.

“I met Sonny in a squad room, of all places.  He was a new face in SVU and not one I was expecting to commit to memory, and that was even without the awful mustache.”

“Twenty years ago, and he still won't let me forget it," Sonny said mournfully, but he was grinning.

“As it would turn out, I was wrong.  Something that’s admittedly rare-” Sonny rolled his eyes.  “-but true in this case, nonetheless.  I was wrong and I’ve never been happier to say that as I am today.  Now yours is the face I wake up to every morning, the last face I see before I fall asleep.  I know every curve and slope and line better than I know my own and there is nothing in me that deserves to have that chance.”

He cleared his throat, ran a thumb absently over the top of Sonny’s hand.

“Years ago I took the heart I loved most and broke it along with my own.  I refuse to call it a mistake, no matter how much it hurt at the time and all the years that followed.  Those years gave you a family, gave you love that I couldn’t hope to offer.  It gave you the family that has welcomed me now, the family I love.  The family I never expected to have, and I refuse to ever call that a mistake.  They’re a part of you, the best parts of you, and I promise to love them the way I love you - completely, effortlessly.  So much that it hurts to breathe when I think about it too long.”

Sonny shifted in place and Rafael knew that he was itching to reach out, to kiss the words from Rafael’s mouth.  

“At this point, we’ve said everything there is to say.  I could never doubt the love you have for me, just like I hope you’ll never doubt how much I love you.  If you ever do let me know and I’ll work twice as hard, every day, until you believe me again.  You’re the best part of me, Sonny, and I can’t promise you that I’ll always be kind or reasonable or patient.  I can’t promise you the world.  All I have is myself, and you’ve had me for twenty years.  Marrying you is the best choice I’ve ever made and I promise to be just as excited that you’re my husband twenty years from now as I am today.”

Barth nodded and dabbed at her eyes before facing the two of them again.

“Gentlemen, the rings?”

In unison they reached into their pockets, drew out matching gold bands engraved with the date on the inside of the rings.  When they were situated, each ring in hand, Judge Barth continued.

“You've made promises to each other that you intend to keep. You’ve vowed to take care of one another, to protect one another, and find happiness in the other.  To hold your husband, to hold your _marriage_ , sacred.  There's a simple premise to each of these promises: you've vowed to be there.  When it’s easy, and when it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done.  Do you both promise to do this?”

Sonny grinned.

“Yeah,” he said and couldn’t hide the hint of gravel in his voice as he slid the ring onto Rafael’s finger.  “Yeah, I do.”

“Rafael, do you promise to do this?”

“Yes,” he replied and really, that was all he could manage.  A simple declaration and the glide of a ring onto Sonny’s finger, where it was always meant to be.

“Tonight you’ve chosen each other, and we are all better off for it.  Your families are better for your love, your friends are better for the happiness you’ll share with them.  By the power vested in me by the State of New York, I pronounce you married.  Rafael, Sonny, you may now kiss your husband.”

The room erupted into raucous laughter and screaming and all of it faded into the background with the first touch of Sonny’s hand on his face.  With hardly more than an inclination Sonny drew Rafael in closer, a man helpless to fight the sun’s magnetic pull.  Their noses touched, their eyes closed, and the last thing Rafael noticed before they kissed was the cool metal of Sonny’s ring on the side of his face.

But then he was lost in the familiar sensation of Sonny’s lips against his, familiar and warm and welcoming and _home_ , made infinitely moreso by the promise they had just made in front of God, their friends and family, and the state of New York.

Forever his.

Forever.

He had never intended to turn into a cliche, the couple who chose their wedding as the perfect venue for passionately making out in front of scandalized guests, but his mouth opened against Sonny’s on instinct, and the kiss had the potential to last forever, both men savoring the taste and sensation of each other, the cool metal of Sonny’s ring against his cheek matched by slight dimple Rafael’s ring made in the side of Sonny’s tux jacket.

The potential to last forever, anyway, were it not interrupted by a joint chorus from Leo and Veronica of “Ew, _gross_.”

Claire tried to shush them, tears shining on her cheeks, but the moment was past, and Rafael and Sonny broke apart, Sonny not letting Rafael go even as he turned to stick his tongue out at his two youngest children.

Rafael took the opportunity to glance at the faces of his mother, and Liv, and Sonny’s parents.  All shone with tears and the same love that he felt swelling his heart to the point of bursting.

“Finally,” Rollins drawled, and Sonny laughed, tugging Rafael close to him.

“Everyone,” he said, raising his voice above the din, and even Veronica stopped fidgeting for a moment, “Thank you all so much for coming.  Raf and I have some quick administrative things to take care of here, but you all have the address for the restaurant, right?”

The question was enough to get people moving, Claire shepherding the kids out, followed by Olivia, Carmen and Rollins, Sonny’s sisters and parents bringing up the rear.  Then Rafael and Sonny turned to Judge Barth, who was smiling at them.  “Some administrative things?” she teased.  “Last I checked, I just needed your signatures.”

As Rafael bent to sign the marriage certificate, Sonny laughed again.  “Figured it’d buy us a few moments alone,” he told her, taking the pen from Rafael when he was done and signing as well.

“In that case, I’ll leave you to it,” Judge Barth said, sharing one more smile with them before she added, “Congratulations” and left.

Sonny turned back to Rafael, his smile softening.  “Now,” he said, drawing Rafael back to him, “Where were we?”

Falling back into the kiss felt as natural as breathing, Sonny’s strong arms encircling him, holding him in place, in his place right here with Sonny.  And while a not so small part of Rafael wanted to turn the kiss hungry and desperate, to start their honeymoon a few hours early with a quickie in his office like he used to forbid Sonny from even suggesting back in the day, the much larger part of him wanted to stay in this moment forever, just the two of them.

Just the way they were always meant to be.

“Hey,” Sonny murmured against his lips, “Where’d my husband go?”

“Just needed a little longer,” Rafael replied, eyes slowly fluttering open.  “I wanted to live in it a little longer.”

His husband beamed, pressed another long kiss to his lips.

“Don’t worry,” he told Rafael breathlessly.  “We’ve got a lifetime.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Sometimes it Lasts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13488810) by [monstrous_eliza (ships_to_sail)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ships_to_sail/pseuds/monstrous_eliza)




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